Celia Dishes ... Some Crazy RFK Jr. Tea

         I’m a skoosh concerned about RFK Jr.’s role in the upcoming Trump administration.

         Perhaps that’s because Trump has given Kennedy the odd instruction to “Go wild on food! Go wild on medicines!”

         What does that even mean?

Maybe Trump said that because “going wild” isn’t a foreign concept to RFK Jr. Most people would mosey on by a decayed whale carcass washed ashore but not this guy! He chainsaws the head off and bungees it to his car top for a leisurely five-hour drive home complete with fetid whale juice pouring through the windows “with every acceleration.”

Sounds plenty “wild” to me.

And let’s not forget the renegade “wild” decision to stage a fake bear-slaying-by-cyclist in Central Park after he got bored with riding around with a roadkill cub in his trunk. As one does.

I figure RFK Jr. came to his senses and realized wifey Cheryl made the shittiest roadkill stew in seven states so why even bother? What a fuckin’ princess. He shoulda married someone without all that Hollywood actress fakery. Someone with, say, seriously stained teeth unsullied by demon fluoride.

Here's what I want to tell “Wild RFK Jr.” You were born into ridiculous privilege so that could be why you—and all your Kousins—have such amazing, gargantuan chicklet teeth. So big! So beautiful!

Out here in Clampettville, I didn’t have access to fluoride. So, when it came to pass that I was soon to be 14, it was time to get my rural, well-water drinkin’ self to a dentist for the first time. Guess what? I had so many cavities it elicited at least four “Wheeeee dogies!” from the dentist followed by a couple of legit high-pitched whistles.

 In the ensuing decades I’ve had innumerable fillings, extractions, crowns, root canals…you name it. It got so costly at one point in my 20s, I resorted to being a dental school patient for cut-rate services, which was actually pretty great.

I mention this, of course, because RFK Jr. just hates fluoride. He thinks it makes his IQ low. No, sorry. He thinks it makes YOUR IQ low. There’s no science to back up this theory but why let that stop him? He’s “going wild!!!!!”

RFK Jr. may be riding for a fall. He says he’s been assured by Trump he will have a very important job but he’s not sure what. He reminds me of the kid who is jumping up and down happy because his parents just told him he’ll soon have “two houses and two sets of toys!” Dumbass.

“I want to be in the White House, and he has assured me that I’m going to have that!” RFK Jr. said last week, happy as a dog with two peckers.

The man is GIDDY over the possibility of getting rid of vaccines. I know this because he says all the time “I’m not going to get rid of vaccines.” Politicians, amiright?

If there’s one thing RFK Jr. hates more than fluoride, it’s vaccines. Why? No one knows except maybe that brain worm that has, literally, lived in his noggin rent free all these years.

Vaccines cause autism, he says. No, they don’t, says science. Who ya gonna believe? The guy who honestly still smells a little like whale goo if you’re downwind from him or scientists?

There’s speculation Trump will make RFK Jr. Director of Health and Human Services or perhaps some sort of in-house health czar. I lean toward the latter. I think he will have an office in the White House, but it may end up waaaaaaay away from the West Wing.

“The guy stinks like whale shit,” Trump will explain.

“Copy that,” Ted Cruz will say because he thinks it’s the kind of tough-guy thing Trump might like. Cruz doesn’t really know what it means. They didn’t say things like that at the Ivy League colleges he attended but now denies like Peter denying Christ.

(“Harvard? Princeton? Oh, no. I went to the Exit 313-B College of Taxidermy and Teardrop Tattooing! You must have me confused with someone else…”)

RFK Jr., kind folks say, wasn’t always crazy or “wild.” He was a devoted environmental lawyer with an excellent track record of taking on polluters in the courts. He did good. A lot of it. But that was then, and this is now, and his only instruction is to “Go wild!” and we should all want our mommies right about now.

Trump likes having a Kennedy around because it’s the ultimate Democrat trophy carcass. He will no doubt trot him out and show him off like a curiosity. Think diving mules at the county fair.

After a while, RFK Jr. will be cast aside by Trump because everyone will have seen how if you turn the lights off you can read a book in the dark just by the light of his ginormous fluoridated teeth.

I mean, it’s fun the first 10 times…

Then again, how would I know?

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SIDE DISH

Y’all…I heard the sad news this week that TGIFridays is filing for bankruptcy. OK, sad is a bit of an exaggeration as I haven’t been to one since 2004 but I’m feeling nostalgic.

Who can forget the iconic red-striped shirts, the suspenders, the funky buttons and beads and “flair” worn by the coached-to-be-campy wait staff? Talk about dinner and a show!

My favorite was the Stuffed Potato Skins appetizer. When nestled beside some fried mushrooms with ranch dressing, life honestly couldn’t get much better IMHO.

This recipe, adapted for use as a side dish, will have some of you remembering long-ago date night apps platters at “Friday’s,” I promise.

CHEESY TWICE BAKED POTATOES

4 russet baking potatoes, scrubbed, dried and rubbed lightly with oil

1 and 1/2 cups shredded sharp cheddar, divided

1/ 3 cup sour cream

1/3 cup buttermilk

4 tablespoons unsalted butter, softened

4 scallions, thinly sliced, divided

6 strips bacon, cooked and crumbled

Kosher salt

Freshly ground black pepper

Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Place oiled potatoes on a sheet pan lined with foil. Sprinkle with salt and pepper. Bake for about 1 hour, or until tender.

Keep the oven on. Allow the potatoes to cool for a few minutes so you can handle them without burning the crap out of your hands. Cut in half crosswise (or lengthwise if you want a more authentic TGIF moment). Carefully scoop out the potato “innards” and place them into a mixing bowl. Leave about an eighth-inch thickness of potato skin so the shell is sturdy enough to be “restuffed.”

Return the empty shells to the oven for about 10 minutes so they can get crispier. While the shells are crisping, add half the cheese, sour cream, buttermilk, half the butter, half the scallions and half the bacon to the baked potato innards. Act like you’re making mashed potatoes and mix until smooth. Season with salt and pepper to taste.

Remove the shells from the oven. Turn the heat up to “broil.” Fill the shells evenly with the mashed potato mixture. Top with remaining cheese, scallions, bacon and butter.

Broil until the cheese is melty and the potatoes are light brown and crispy on top, 5-10 minutes. (Watch carefully to avoid burning the tops.) Serve hot.